THOMAS BRADLEY
Artist Bio by Ministry of Imagery
WHAT IS IT?
Thomas Bradley is a hallucinogenic off-white paste, naturally secreted from the ADOBIA CS plant found flourishing in urban areas of the United States. It is currently the most addictive controlled substance in North America, with a 4% recovery rate. As of 2008, it was estimated that 1 in 3 teenagers had experimented with Thomas Bradley.
HISTORY
First documented by a botany student in 1923, Thomas Bradley spread quickly from college campuses to urban areas, growing vigorously in abandoned lots and train yards. After becoming popular at rent parties throughout Harlem, the substance became the subject of a poem by Langston Hughes, titled, "That Sweet Bradley-Vision." The drug soon moved on to pockets in Baltimore, MD, Tulsa, OK, and Portland, OR, where dealer's houses became known as "Roy G. Bivouacs." With the advent of affordable intercontinental flights in the 1960s, Thomas Bradley spread first to the Netherlands, then on to the rest of the world.
METHODS OF USE
Thomas Bradley is typically administered visually, through print or digital injection. Many habitual users get "thommed" by rubbing the paste on their eyelids and stimulating their optic nerves using over-the-counter RSS feeds and the same high-res jpegs found in household medicine cabinets.
EFFECTS
Thomas exhibits transformative characteristics, making colors buzz with electricity and smell of fresh paint. Users gain the ability to see unspeakable beauty in minute details, from the rippled crag in a rock, to the fold pattern of a cereal box. In heavier doses, an appreciation of typefaces my occur. Jean-Michel Basquiat described the overall sensation as "God giving you eskimo kisses." There are widespread rumors that certain strains of Thomas Bradley will cure partial blindness, but there is no conclusive evidence.
HEALTH RISKS
Prolonged use of Thomas Bradley may cause painful physical and psychological withdrawals, such as extreme boredom and the inability to describe colors using terminology other than their designated Pantone swatch classification. Graphic designer Paul Rand was a lifelong user, and once gave an interview with Life magazine in which he described the sky as "the whoring sister of PMS 2925."
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Web:
Text-only Resume
Blogspot
Tumblr
Thomas Bradley Addiction Hotline:
1-410-814-8713